Abortion Recovery Awareness- Let’s Talk about This

Ouch. This is hard to talk about. Abortion is hard to talk about and uncomfortable for those outside the pro-life movement, and even some inside. Do we really need to talk about this? Is it ok to talk about this? Yes, please please please talk about this.

We sat in a foreign land where family planning wasn’t left up to individual choice for life. The pendulum had swung 180 degrees the other way where parents no longer could choose life after giving birth to one child. That policy has changed some since that time, but it takes time for cultural pendulums to shift course and swing for life. We sat across from ears hungry to hear about healing the abortion wounded, ears that never had heard anyone talk about the pain of abortion. Experienced pain–yes, but silence ruled, deafening the truth that abortion hurts women, abortion hurts men, abortion hurts families, abortion hurts cultures.

One of the ladies we were talking with had a look of surprise frozen on her face. She hesitantly asked, “Are you really going to talk about this? No one talks about this.” But her question wasn’t in offense, it was in hope, with a look and tone that begged us to talk about it…please talk about this.

If we don’t talk about it, who is going to?

1 in 4 women sitting in our churches have had an abortion. 1 in 4. Look down your row next Sunday and let that sink in. Look at every row allowing this sober truth to stir your heart.

As I sit here writing, it is difficult for me to go back to that place, the place of not being healed. But I try to remember.

Recovery looked different in various stages. The stages can mimic those of the stages of grief, after all, there is a loss and it is traumatic.

1. Denial: I was hurting but didn’t see how I could had made any other choice. My uncle asked me if I regretted my decision a few months after. I said, “No”.
2. Anger: Anger set in as I blamed my decision on others, lack of support, and judgement.
3. Bargaining: I would have done anything to change how I was feeling. Numbing became my chief tool. I wanted to hold onto the relationship with the boyfriend and father of my child lost to abortion desperately. Because it seemed if I could hold onto him, it would all be ok somehow.
4. Depression: This was through all the stages but deepened after the loss of the relationship with my boyfriend.
5. Acceptance: When I came back to Jesus, 5 years later, He began the healing journey. It has been through this journey that I have found peace and joy restored. It was long and arduous. I still hate that I choose abortion but I do not beat myself up for it or condemn myself any longer. Jesus paid the price in full, and He is the only reason I can be at peace.

Recovery can look different for each person and no two people recover and heal exactly the same. Jesus isn’t cookie cutter like that. Jesus isn’t into formulas, He’s into friendship. He wants to be your friend, and walk with you on the journey to recovery.

A healing retreat may be His next step for you or your first step. Whatever your step is, He wants to hold your hand and He won’t let you tumble. It isn’t His desire for you to stay in a place of condemnation or despair.

Friends, we are here to talk about this. We want to come alongside you in your healing journey. If you’d like to know more, please go to DeeperStill.org. If you are a pastor or ministry leader and want to know more, please reach out to us by email. It is time to be aware. It is time to talk about this.

Father, You know the end from the beginning. You know the choices we make and those we wish would could change. Father, lead us as we seek you for healing. We are desperate for you Lord. Father, I pray for you to bring a greater awareness of how abortion impacts women and men and families. May you bring healing and shift the pendulum in the direction of life. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Searching for a Savior

For years I was lost, broken, trying to fill a hole. I found myself pregnant at the age of 19, in college, without hope. Those closest to me brought condemnation, shame, and guilt at the news. Out of desperation, I chose abortion with a false hope that my world would once again be “normal” and life could go on as usual. What I didn’t know was back to normal was not what I was searching for, what I was truly searching for was a savior. For a brief moment, I chose abortion to be my savior. This false savior left me more broken and more desperate than ever. It was an empty promise, and one that cost me dearly. Not only did it not deliver “normal”, but threw on heavy doses of shame on top of my already shaky world.

When we look to anything other than Jesus to be our hope, security, or escape, we are choosing a false savior. Only One can meet us at our greatest need and longing. He desperately desires to meet us there. Our idols are always a poor substitute for a savior. And when we continue to choose false saviors, we will ultimately need rescued from what we thought would save us.

Today we celebrate Good Friday. We rejoice because of the sacrifice Jesus, our Savior, paid on the cross, ALL our sins are washed away and we have been made new.

“For the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2

The “joy” set before Him was you. He did it for you and me.

The choice of words “despising the shame” intrigue me. He was disregarding shame, calling it worthless. He was basically saying to shame, “You are worthless. You have no more power or authority.”

Eventually, after 5 years of trying to save myself through other false saviors, at the age of 24, I realized I needed the One true Savior. He rescued me and He wants to do the same for you. If you have been chasing after false saviors or trying to get back to “normal” on your own, today you can surrender your will to His. He defeated death and the grave. He is a personal Savior, and the only thing He requires is a heart saying yes to Him.

Jesus conquered sin and shame all for you, His beloved child, the apple of His eye, His joy, the reason He endured the Cross! This is the Savior we celebrate. He said, “It is finished!” and He meant every word. He is the only true Savior. He makes all things new!

Happy Good Friday!

Loving our Brother, a Christmas Prayer

Favorite hymns and brilliant new Christmas melodies fill the airwaves this time of year. Familiar phrases and timeless lyrics echo through stores, churches, streets, cities. What is familiar to us often goes unnoticed, like a pair of shoes on the stairs that gets passed by while hustling thirty times before you nearly trip over them.

Last Sunday I was in an unfamiliar church setting, perhaps that is why I noticed a verse never noticed before in a familiar old, favorite Christmas hymn, “Oh Holy Night” written by John S. Dwight in the mid 1800s. I nearly tripped over it when I heard it, heralding my attention.

“Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother and in His name all oppression shall cease.”

Below is the full verse.

“Truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His name all oppression shall cease
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name”

These verses resonated with me for the broader sense of the truth they carry. We cannot ignore how these verses must have spoke during this period of history and continue to hold a valiant truth commanding continued notice. But the truth these verses proclaimed for me on a cold brisk Sunday morning in an unfamiliar church with unfamiliar people highlighted those who are captive and slaves to sin who we see daily living in spiritual chains.

What kind of chains do our brothers and sisters live in daily and what are we as the body of Christ doing when we see them bound up living under the torment of oppression? This is a question worth contemplating.

These chains can have many names: abortion, pornography, fornication, homosexuality, false witness, theft, etc (Matthew 15:19, Colossians 3:5, 1 Corinthians 7:2). Abortion is one of these chains.

The people we judge in sin are our brothers and sisters. We are no better. Our sin is just as grievous. Who are we to judge our brothers and sisters in the church?

If we, as the body of Christ, would follow the law of love, our hearts would break and our eyes would tear in seeing our brothers and sisters in bondage to past or present sin, and we would run in towards rather than away. I am speaking to myself as well.

“For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'” Galations 5:14

We cannot see just another person on the row behind us in our churches or just another person behind the counter at the store, or a person begging on the street. Each of these are our brothers or potentially our brothers, each an image bearer of God, made for a purpose.

Oh Lord, give us your eyes to see those you put in front of us and pray for the chains to break, remembering every slave is our brother. Jesus it is in Your holy name all oppression shall cease. Jesus, help us run to those held captive, and not judge, but rather pray and love.

If you are a sister or brother who has been in chains due to the past sin of abortion, there is wonderful news for you! Jesus came in the form of a baby, was wrapped in swaddling clothes, and was laid in a manger not just so it would be cute to sing about. The gospel story is much more scandalous, powerful, and earth shaking. He loves you and came to die on a cross for you and your sins, to free you from the bonds of slavery and His powerful name breaks chains and oppression. This is the good news of the gospel of Christ! This is why He came–to bind up the broken hearted and set the captives free. The power of the gospel transforms lives. Believe. What a glorious Savior! What tremendous news! What a Christmas Gift!

There is a two fold prayer. If you are one who has been enslaved to the sin of abortion or any sin:

“Father, I have committed the sin of abortion. I confess and I repent of this sin. I know it grieved your heart and I am sorry I did not trust you to care for me and my unborn child and thought I needed to take matters into my own hands. I see now how this is a sin. Please forgive me. “

If you just prayed that prayer, God forgives you. His gospel is peace. Jesus paid it all.

The other prayer is for those of us in the church who have judged others in sin or for their past sin:

“Father, forgive us for judging our brothers and sisters who have been trapped in sin. Lord, help us to love them well and for the law of love to be written on our hearts. We know that it is your kindness that leads others to repentance. Help us to love and be kind to those who are hurting and struggling, not indifferent, cold, or harsh. Holy Spirit, may every time we sing “Oh Holy Night” remind us that every person enslaved is our brother that we are commanded to love. I pray we don’t get comfortable with those words, but pick up our cross and walk the law of love out daily and point to You, remembering that Holy Night long ago when you gave everything for us. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”

Enjoy unwrapping the most beautiful Gift this Christmas! The Gift of forgiveness and love, Jesus incarnate, Immanuel. Unwrapped so we can live free.

Deeper Still is a ministry that offers free weekend healing retreats for women who have had abortions and the men who fathered children lost to abortion. If you have had an abortion and would like more information about our retreats, please go to www.GoDeeperStill.org to find a retreat close to you.

History Belongs to the Intercessor – Our Role in Overturning Roe v. Wade

This Wednesday, Decemeber 1, a historical event will occur. The United States Supreme Court has agreed to hear the case Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization, challenging a Mississippi law that bans abortions after 15 weeks of pregnancy. This will be the first time the new conservative majority on the Supreme Court could restrict abortion law and possibly overturn Roe v. Wade.

This is no small matter. Roe v. Wade made abortion legal in the United States in 1973. On Jan 22, 1973, the Supreme Court, in a 7-2 decision, struck down the Texas law banning abortion, effectively legalizing the procedure nationwide.

Abortion is polarizing. Life is life. Biology is biology. There are truths that cannot be denied for mere convenience. The truth is that in an embryo, a heartbeat can be detected as early as 3-4 weeks (21-28 days) after conception (www.babycenter.com). This new law bans abortion at 15 weeks, 12 weeks after a heartbeat can be heard through transvaginal ultrasound.

Those opposing the Mississippi Law argue that the fetus is not viable until 24 weeks, meaning it cannot live outside of the womb. However, if left alone, the baby will continue to develop in the womb and grow to full-term. Viability outside of the womb is not a factor for concluding abortion is justified. Abortion is ending a life inside of the womb. The place the most vulnerable of lives should be safest is the most dangerous place on the earth to be with 18% of pregnancies ending in abortion in the United States (www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/induced-abortion-united-states).

If Roe v. Wade is overturned, abortion would be legally determined by each individual state. Currently, 26 states are reported to be likely to ban abortion with 21 of those states having laws or constitutional amendments already in place to ban abortion. These bans would differ state by state and more information can be found on https://www.guttmacher.org/article/2021/10/26-states-are-certain-or-likely-ban-abortion-without-roe-heres-which-ones-and-why .

The US Supreme Court will begin to hear this case on Wednesday, December 1, 2021. It will continue into the 2022 term and will most likely not be decided on until June 2022 (https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2021/05/18/supreme-court-just-took-case-that-could-kill-roe-v-wade-or-let-it-die-slowly/).

What is our role to play in this decision? Prayer. Abortion isn’t just a procedure. Abortion is ending a life, a life that would have most likely gone on to live and thrive, a life created by God with a purpose. Abortion isn’t our right to choose; abortion is stripping the right of a baby to live. Pregnancy is not just a bag of cells attached to a woman’s body; pregnancy is an all together separate life, a baby made in the image of God, designed with destiny.

Will you pray with us for this important case hearing? Please pray for truth to be told and to prevail, for the Supreme Court Justices, for the attorneys presenting, and for all involved.

“The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light. Those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, upon them a light has shined. You have multiplied the nation, and increased its joy; they rejoice before You according to the joy of harvest, as men rejoice when they divide the spoil. For You have broken the yoke of his burden and the staff of his shoulder, the rod of his oppressor. As in the day of Midian, for every warrior’s sandal from the noisy battle, and garments rolled in blood, will be used for burning and fuel of fire.

For unto us a Child is born, unto us a son is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of His government and peace there will be no end, upon the throne of David and over His kingdom, to order it and establish it with judgement and justice from that time forward, even forever. ” Isaiah 9:1-7

Father in Heaven, we bless Your name O Lord, Your Kingdom come, Your will be done. Lord, we lift up the Supreme Court Justices who will hear this case. Father, we ask for their ears to open to hear, for truth to prevail and be heard. Lord, we ask those presenting to speak truth and give them the words from Your lips O God. May no lies be uttered and may every falsehood be exposed. Lord, we ask for every Justice to listen to your leading. Lord, we know justice in the kingdom of heaven isn’t subject to time. Justice from You is just as it should be. Lord, be Lord over our land. Have mercy on our nation. May those who have been in darkness see a great light, Your light of truth reigning over the land. May what the enemy meant for evil be turned and used for good, to fuel a revival across this land. Jesus, may Your Kingdom be established forever and ever, Amen.

When God Reveals More of Who He Is

“Your sun shall no longer go down, nor shall your moon withdraw itself; For the Lord will be your everlasting light and the days of your mourning shall be ended.” Isaiah 60:20

My fourteen-year-old daughter and I had gone away for a three-day girls’ trip to the beach. It was much needed time away. Three days of sand, peace, tranquility, mixed with laughter and joy. Ocean waves crashing over and over swept away every thought, washing away all the cares of the world. It was complete bliss.

The only complaint during the whole trip was that it was overcast. We saw the sun but perhaps a moment the entire three days. My daughter’s dream of a tan dashed. And at night, we went out on the beach in hopes of stargazing, but again, only darkness as clouds blocked out the moonlit sky. No twinkling little stars to be seen.

My daughter loves stargazing and sun-bathing. This lack of light was dampening but still we relished in the solace of ocean waves and sweet moments of togetherness.

On day three of no sun, I sensed my daughter’s disappointment. She loves sunrises and we had risen early with hopes to catch a glimpse of the sun as it rose above the horizon, carrying with it glorious shades of orange, pink, and gold. But again, we saw very little as clouds covered the beauty that laid beneath. We had prayed for sun. Where was it? What is with all these clouds?

Sometimes God doesn’t answer our prayers the way we think He should because He wants to reveal something new about who He is.

That morning oceanside, I flipped open my Bible and the Lord led me to Isaiah 60:19-20.

“The sun shall no longer be your light by day, nor for brightness shall the moon give light to you;

 But the Lord will be to you an everlasting light, and your God your glory.

Your sun shall no longer go down nor shall your moon withdraw itself;

For the Lord will be your everlasting light and the days of your mourning shall be ended.”

This word. This passage. The timing.

This passage may be referring to heaven where there will be no need for a sun or moon because of the Light of His all-surpassing glory will fill the whole earth and there will be no more mourning. But could it also be that that Lord wanted to use this passage to reveal more about who He is to me in this moment? And that the lack of light in the natural set the perfect stage for Him to reveal something in the spiritual?  A now word- A Rhema word.

He says He is the Light of the world.

If He is the Light and the sun and the moon are not needed for us to have light, does this mean that no matter what is going on around us or how dark a situation looks or how overcast it appears to be on the outside, we can be full of joy and hope because it isn’t dependent on our circumstances?

Yes. I do believe that is the message the Lord was speaking that day.

I do not know if He kept the clouds over the sun and the moon to make this point, but maybe He did. He does love us that much, to not answer our prayers for sunshine so He can show a new facet of who He is. He is the Light, He is our Light. His is a Light that never goes out and never goes down. It is always present. He is the everlasting Light, always with us showing us the way and leading us.

Could it be then when we have this revelation of who He is and that His indwelling presence fills us with His Light and joy, that is when the days of mourning shall be ended. Not because there isn’t something to mourn but because His light within outshines all else.

His Light is eternal and though darkness fills this earth, His Light shines in and through us. He is the Light.

On a funny note, I shared this message with my daughter, who wittily replied, “That is nice that God is our sun and our moon, and our Light, but can He be my tan too?” 

There might be another lesson in that another day. ; )

Dear Lord, thank you for revealing more of who you are! Thank you that no matter what is going on around us or how dark the world around us gets, you are the everlasting Light. Thank you that you are our sun and our moon and stars. Help us to see Your Light all around us and be the Light within drawing others to you and your glory. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Application Questions:

1. Can I recognize or remember a time when God did not answer a prayer like I thought He would, but He revealed something more about Himself to me?

2. Is there a situation in my life where God seemingly hasn’t answered that I can ask what is He saying to me in this?

3. How has God shown you He is Your Light?

Would love to hear from you in the comments as you consider these questions!

The Tattoo My Daughter Wants

“And through Him (Jesus), He reconciled all things to Himself, having made peace through the blood of His cross; through Him, I say, whether things on earth or things in heaven.” Colossians 1:20

Dry heat engulfed us as we walked the streets of our vacation destination. Around every corner the word “TATTOO” jumped off the buildings, catching the eye of my teenage daughter. A conversation was sparked with our family as to what tattoo we would get if we ever ventured into one of those obscure shops. Mostly the talk was light as we fluttered around different ideas, tossing them into the air and went on our way forgetting the thoughts nearly as quickly as they were muttered. Until my daughter said hers. Her idea wasn’t a whim. This one had been formulating in her mind and simmering there for some time. Her idea arrested me as soon as the words were uttered.

My daughter simply said, “The tattoo I want is the word ‘Sister’ surrounded by a heart.”

To the random person overhearing this conversation, this would seem perhaps odd, but then it would be brushed off and reasoned away that she is a sister of two brothers wanting to proclaim her sisterhood to the world. For me, however, this was no mystery, the reason for this tattoo was clear and heart stopping.

Thankfully no one asked why and everyone went on with other conversations, going to the next topic. But this comment lingered in the air, not easily forgotten like the others. This one hovered and is likely not going anywhere until it perhaps lands on her arm or ankle one day.

Today is the anniversary date of when I had my abortion, or more accurately, when I choose to end the life of my first child. Harsh perhaps, but true. It was twenty-eight years ago. Many who have had an abortion suffer when thinking of the anniversary date, but the Lord has redeemed this date for me in so many ways. I actually rarely think of it but knowing it was coming gave me reason to want to write this post.

For years I have written about how abortion impacts lives and hearts, but the sibling component isn’t discussed much in post-abortive or pro-life circles.

Abortion impacts the siblings of the child lost. Being very open about my abortion, I knew it was important for my children to hear about it from me. All three of my children know. Also, I didn’t want to hide my past from them. Secrets are never free.

My teenage daughter, who has a very tender and sensitive heart, has commented on her sister in heaven many times and even has a stuffed bear in memory of her. She loves her sister and like me, looks forward to meeting her one day. My heart breaks a little every time I hear her say something about how she wishes she had her sister here. But she must grieve, as we all must, those we love and lost. It is healthy to grieve and recognize the loss.

I have had much emotional healing in regard to my abortion, so much in fact that it can be possible for me to forget that part of my past and story. It feels like a lifetime ago and I am a different person now, made new by the blood of Jesus. But events like this one are good for me and it is good that I feel a slight twinge when I hear my teenage daughter’s covert pain. To not feel anything would be more concerning and dishonoring to my daughter in heaven. She is a real person. Sometimes it is easier to forget, but I am thankful for the times of remembrance. Her memory is worth more than being tossed out into the wind, forgotten as a careless word on a hot day.

The promise of eternity and of meeting her one day fills my heart with joy and lifts me to a place of peace, resting in the ever present assurance that our God is big and amazing and nothing is too much for Him. No sin is too beyond His forgiveness and no breach of relationship is beyond His repair. We are reconciled to Him and the glorious hope of reconciliation with our lost ones safe in His care.

My teenage daughter may or may not get a tattoo that says “Sister” on it (I’ve asked her to wait until she is at least eighteen) but regardless of an external mark, her name, Kori Danielle, is tattooed on our hearts forever. We love you Kori and look forward to the day we can meet you. We honor you.

Father, we thank you for the glorious hope of eternity. We thank you that while we were still sinners, you loved us and sent Jesus, our Savior for us, and Christ died for us, so we could live forever with you. Thank you that no sin is too big and no breach is too wide. Thank you that the cross and blood of Jesus made a way for us. Lord, we pray for all those who have lost a child to abortion, that they would find hope and healing in you. And we pray for those who have lost siblings to abortion, that you would comfort their hearts and give them reassurance of the hope in you. For those reading this today who haven’t thought of this component before, we ask for your grace to cover and healing balm to soothe hurting hearts. Take us deeper in our healing, knowing you in deeper ways. We love you Lord. Thank you for loving us so well. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

In Case You Missed It!

In 2013, I attended the Deeper Still Fundraising Banquet for the first time. My friend, Emily, invited me. When I received the invitation, I didn’t need to think or even pray about it, I had been waiting for her invitation. I was an immediate yes, I’m in! Every year since for the past eight years there has been a night I join in getting all gussied up, put on my best, and gather with others in a full room to hear testimonies of God’s goodness, redemption, and healing at the Deeper Still Fundraising Banquet. It is a night I personally look forward to every year. This year it looked a bit different.

There were no linen tablecloths, no flower arrangements, no stage or podium. This year it was in the comfort of our living rooms. Instead of evening gowns, we adorned night gowns, and instead of suits, cozied in jammies. The testimonies were as powerful as ever! I watched in the comfort of my living room with my family, which consists of 3 teenagers, my husband and a goldfish named Squishy. Not sure what Squishy thought of it, but my family loved it!

Our oldest son, Joe, who is 18 years old had this to say, “It was very moving to hear a man talking about the bears, his vulnerability was so brave.” What a powerful example of the strength of vulnerability. I was so thankful my teenage sons could hear this man’s story. All three of my kids were moved by what they heard.

We know life is busy and you may have missed it Tuesday night! But another bonus to a virtual event is it can happen over and over again with just the click of a mouse!

My life changed in 2013. I was never again the same. I said yes to a banquet, attended a retreat, and 8 years later, I still love how the Lord moves and works in this ministry. Since that night, I have served on countless retreat teams, traveled to other countries, and the Lord continues to blow me away with His heart to see His beloved free, healed, and whole.

My hope is that I’ve peeked your curiosity! My prayer is that there is a yes in your heart to this invitation! You are invited!

To watch, just go to www.DeeperStillBanquet.org

If you feel led to give to the ministry of Deeper Still, we’d love to have you partner with us!

Three ways to make a donation towards our 2021 Banquet:

Scan the QR code below with your smartphone camera and open the link that pops up at the top

OR you can click here https://secure.egsnetwork.com/donate/D54D27AF4AAA4B9

OR by visiting  www.DeeperStillBanquet.org  to Give Online

Your donations allow us to do our retreats free of charge and support the staff of the Deeper Still Home Office in Knoxville, TN as the Lord continues to expand this ministry across the nation and the world. Our God so longs to heal the broken hearted and set the captives free. It’s why He came! Thank you for investing in the Kingdom!

Lori’s Story {Chapter Leader Spotlight}

Today’s post is written by Lori Nzvrodtzke, Deeper Still Chapter Leader for Southern AZ.

Lori Navrodtzke lives in Tucson. She received a MS in Professional Counseling and MS in Addictions Counseling from Grand Canyon University in 2013. She has been the Chapter Coordinator for Deeper Still of Southern AZ since 2016, has worked at Hands of Hope since 2006 where she currently serves as Recovery Services Manager. Lori has a passion to see women and men healed from abortion as well as other traumatic experiences. 

Thank you Lori for sharing part of your story with us today!

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1984 was 37 years ago. When you think back that far can you remember specific details of what a particular day was like? For example, can you remember exactly what was going on throughout your day 37 years ago today? I can.

I was picked up in the morning. We drove to the bank for me to withdraw $250 in cash. Then we drove to the clinic. The whole time I was in the car I looked out the passenger window. Crying silently. Feeling sick. Wanting to be doing anything but this. In my head begging him to say I didn’t have to do it.

We arrived. On the outside it didn’t even look like a clinic. It could have been any business along that stretch of road. I wondered if the people across the street in the park knew what was happening through those doors.

We entered the building and went to the counter. No ID was needed. They took my money. I signed a piece of paper without reading it. We went to the waiting room. There were others there–some alone, some not. No one talked. There were no TV’s, no magazines. My name was called. I went back and he left. I changed into a hospital gown and put my clothes in a locker. I was brought to the room and prepped. The doctor didn’t even tell me his name. He just sat down and started. It was painful. I started to cry but forced myself to stop.

It was over in about 15 minutes. The doctor left and I was brought back to the locker and told to get dressed. I was brought to a room with several cots lining the walls. There were several of us in there, but no one was talking. Some were lying on their cot, some were crying. About 20 minutes later we were all given a bottle of antibiotics and escorted to the back door so we could leave. I waited outside for a while before he picked me up. This is where some things start to get blurry–because I had become emotionally numb. Something horrible had just happened and I couldn’t, or didn’t want to, deal with it.

I will always regret that day 37 years ago, but I can share this part of my life openly because God healed me. There’s no more guilt, no more shame, no more anger. Do the memories make me sad? Yeah. Do I still cry? Sometimes. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has forgiven me, the baby I lost to abortion in that clinic is in heaven, and I’ll see him again someday. And I’m so very grateful God has used my story to help so many women and men who have been impacted by abortion.

If you haven’t been involved in an abortion, I can pretty much guarantee you know someone who has, but they may have never told you about it. Until healing occurs this is usually a closely guarded secret.  Not because someone else says we should be ashamed, but because many women make this choice because they feel they have no other choice. Not talking about it is a way to avoid dealing with it. I am so blessed to work for an organization (Hands of Hope Tucson) that offers Deeper Still retreats for women and men to have a safe place to talk, process, grieve and heal from a past abortion. If you or someone you know is struggling with a past abortion, I’d love to talk with you.

Deeper Still is a ministry that offers free weekend retreats for women who have had abortions and the men who fathered children lost to abortion. If you have had an abortion and would like more information about our retreats, please go to www.GoDeeperStill.org to find a retreat close to you.

Fig Leaves and Temple Thieves

Today’s post was written Tara Archibald. Tara is team member on the Central Illinois Deeper Still Team.

Thank you Tara for sharing your heart with us today!

I said “no.” Not a no to my girls. Not a no to my husband. Not another no to the dog. Not even a no to one more thing on my to-do list. I said “no” to God, a blatant no. The Holy Spirit “tapped” me on the shoulder and reminded me of what He taught me just the day before. Pleaded with me to put off the old flesh and yield to Him. I refused. In that moment, I rejected Jesus.

Headed into Jerusalem early Monday morning, Jesus and his disciples stopped along the side of the road to eat. Hungry from their travels, they recognized a fig tree in the distance by its abundant foliage. An unusual sight for the time of year since fig season was a month away. The leaves and figs grow together in late spring. This tree, already in bloom ahead of the others around it, had been planted in good soil. However, when they arrived at the tree it lacked fruit. What held the promise of something good was barren, void of the purpose for which it was created. Jesus cursed it. No longer would it bear fruit or leaves of any kind. No longer would it deceive or lead the passerby astray.

The nation of Israel had often been likened to a fig tree in the Old Testament (Hosea 9:10; Joel 1:7). Jesus’ cursing of the fig tree symbolized the judgement of God upon a people who had the outward appearance of life but failed to bear fruit. A judgement due to Israel’s spiritual fruitlessness and hypocrisy. They had rejected Jesus.

Jesus had already cleansed the temple once before, at the beginning of His ministry. That one, a warning. This second cleansing, a statement of judgement against the leadership of Israel. He cleansed His house of thieves and robbers. Of those who took advantage of the poor. Of those who took advantage of His worshippers and His chosen people. Of His chosen people who took advantage of His chosen people.

The chief priests and scribes from the tribe of Levi, were the chosen spiritual leaders of Israel. Chosen to receive and give offerings, to mediate between God and man, to lead in worship and prayer. Chosen by God. Their hearts now hard and power hungry.

Planted in the good soil of His law, from afar the temple held the promise of something good, something sweet, but inside it the hearts of God’s chosen were barren, their lives fruitless. The purpose for which they were chosen, distorted. They refused to recognize Jesus as the Messiah, the Promised One, whom they waited centuries for. Longed for. Eagerly anticipated.

Instead, greed, power, and pride blinded them from the Messiah. Their rejection of Jesus was complete.

“He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not” (Isaiah 53:3 ESV).

This temple made of brick and stone will be destroyed, but not before God has something to say (and do) about its replacement. God commanded the Israelites, just as He commands us, to live fruitful lives. But what does a fruit filled life look like?

What I wore. How I looked. How I behaved. How I performed in school. Emphasis on outward appearance was ingrained in me at a very young age. And it is still a struggle to this day, a lifelong battle. It goes deeper than a striving for popularity, it demands perfection to avoid ridicule and obtain favor. But only Jesus lived a perfect life. And He is more concerned with my insides, with my heart. Daily, I must remind myself to surrender all of me to Jesus. To cast all my cares on Him. To “put off the old self with its practices and…put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator” (Colossians 3:9-10).

Anger, pride, greed, bitterness, unforgiveness, deceit, covetousness are all practices of the old self; fruitless endeavors that come easily because we are sinners (Romans 3). Sin comes naturally. What we want to do, we do not do. What we do not want to do, we do (Romans 7). The intentions of our hearts are evil all the time (Jeremiah 17:9).

When we choose to focus on our outward appearance rather than work on our hearts, we are choosing disobedience. And that is sin. Sin is saying “no” to God. Sin is a rejection of Jesus. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) take work. Righteousness does not come naturally. It takes work to be renewed in knowledge after the image of our Creator, to live like Christ. But we are not left to our own devices, to our own efforts. There is hope.

“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:4-5 ESV).

Apart from God we cannot bear fruit. Apart from God we cannot overcome sin. We need His strength. We need His power.

When we, in His strength and power, yield to the Holy Spirit, when we give Him our yes, we choose life. A life overflowing with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. A life that trusts and obeys the only One worthy of our trust and obedience. We choose Jesus.

Are we fulfilling the purpose for which He created us? Are we trusting and obeying Him? Are we surrendering our plans to His? Are we falling on His overwhelming grace when we mess up? Because we will mess up, again and again. Are we holding fast to His promises? Are we thanking Him even in the midst of our storms, offering our praises on the altar of humility? Do our lives overflow with the fruit of the Spirit to others?

Like the events with the fig tree and the temple demonstrated, God is more concerned about our fruit because that is evidence of the true intentions of our hearts. It shows what we are believing and in Whom we are believing.

God promises to give us the strength, power and courage we need to remove the heavy burdensome cloak of the old self and in its place, to be filled with the sweet fruit of the new self. What fills our hearts and minds has the power to bring us joy and to bring glory and honor to the only One worthy enough, Jesus.

Friday is necessary.

But Sunday’s coming

Born and raised in California, Tara Archibald now lives in central Illinois with her husband and two daughters.  She has a background in labor and delivery nursing but is now a full time homemaker.  She is a nurse volunteer for Living Alternative Pregnancy Resource Center, Bloomington and an active team member of Deeper Still Central Illinois, serving on post-abortion retreats as often as possible.  She loves spending time with her giggling girls, her amazing husband, and her crazy German shepherd dog (not necessarily in that order).  A mountain girl at heart, she enjoys all things outdoors but is just as content to sit on a porch swing, blanket over her lap, reading a good book, with a cup of good coffee in her hand.  Most of all, she loves her precious Savior, Jesus, because it is only by His overwhelming grace, ceaseless mercy, lavish love, and persistent pursuit of her that she has found healing and can point any one to Him.  She feels called to inspire and encourage others through words and pixels.  She has only recently embraced God’s call on her life to write, still discovering her voice, but confident in God’s unfailing faithfulness to be used of Him for her good, the good of others, and His glory.

On IG: @tarajen29 & @joyfullymade139

www.facebook.com/tara.archibald

www.godeeperstill.org

www.hopeforafuture.com

Taking Off My Armor

“Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.” Ephesians 6:11

In 1 Samuel 17:38-39, we find a story of David about to face Goliath. It says this:

“Then Saul dressed David in his own tunic. He put a coat of armor on him and a bronze helmet on his head. David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them. ‘I cannot go in these,’ he said to Saul, ‘because I am not used to them.’ So he took them off.”

In the story of David and Goliath, David chose to take off the armor that Saul insisted would protect him. If David would have left on the armor that didn’t suit him, it would have hindered his ability to throw and he wouldn’t have been able to accomplish the mission God assigned him to do. Wearing armor we were not meant to wear will hinder who God created us to be.

David chose to take off the armor and trust that His God would protect him as he had faithfully done in the past. This choice of trusting God to protect rather than choosing self-protection led not only David to triumph, but also blessed all the Kingdom.

We were never meant to wear such heavy armor. We were meant to wear God’s armor of protection, not of our own making.

There have been times I have tried to protect myself with an armor that was unsuitable for me. Only this armor isn’t made of metal or steel and it isn’t visible with the naked eye, but it is heavy, nonetheless. Out of fear, there have been times, I have chosen to create a fortified wall that is hard to penetrate, but also heavy to carry around.

I doubt I’m the only one. If you are breathing air, you most likely have been hurt by another human being. These hurts when continuous over time can cause us to decide God must not be protecting us and so I must protect myself. What we don’t realize is the lie this is and the sin it invokes—sin of esteeming ourselves higher than others. Ouch. Yes, I realize that is a hard claim, but I am putting myself in there as well and I have done this and it is wrong and damaging to not only ourselves, but to the body of Christ.

The issue is that not only do these walls of armor protect, they also unwittingly keep us bound. This armor also keeps us from giving the gift of our true self to others, who desperately need what God has put inside of us–we all need the gifts God has entrusted in each other.

Ephesians 6:11 says, “Put on the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.” It is hard to wear two suits of armor, and only one really protects, the other is only hindering our ability to walk.

Friends, I am taking my armor off and I’m asking if you would be willing to do the same. We need each other and we need the gifts in you. We need to know you and we need your loving beautiful heart fully out there pumping in full blown capacity, not suited up and hindered by cumbersome metal.

Perhaps you want so badly to take off your armor, but fear clinches and it seems too risky. Today, we want to pray with you and together, let’s ask the Lord to help take off the armor and for the walls to come tumbling down. Maybe you need to forgive someone or many. Not everyone is trustworthy, but I promise you there are people God will bring into your life who are safe. God will protect you. Even when it seemed like He missed it, He never has left you and He will protect you.

Will you take a breath with me and then take off one piece of armor at a time, casting it all away as David did, trusting the Lord to go with Him. When you do, not only will you be victorious, but so will the Kingdom as you are free to be who God made you to be.

Your heart is too beautiful to be hidden by metal and surrounded by armor. The world needs your beautiful heart unhindered, beating and loving.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for protecting me. Thank you that I have your armor, the armor of God, so I do not need to make my own armor or try to wear things that will only hinder my walk with you and others in the body of Christ. Lord, I forgive those who have hurt me and trust you to protect. Lord, I thank you that in you I live fully free, loving others, and trusting you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.