His Love is Fierce

He tore through the atmosphere for me! He wanted me to know the depths of His fierce love for me!

“I will seek what was lost and bring back what was driven away, bind up the broken and strengthen what was sick.” Ezekiel 34:16a

In 1998, the church I was attending was putting out original worship music. So at the request of the congregation we did a live worship album. What an experience it was to be a part. We spent many weeks practicing the music and getting prepared. The people came. The Holy Spirit was definitely present.

We were singing the last song, which was about God’s holiness. I was worshipping, looking toward the sky, when, all of a sudden, it was as if a white screen dropped down. It was like I was watching a movie; only I was in it.

I saw an image of my Heavenly Father and my children. I heard the Father gently whisper, “We have forgiven you, now you need to forgive yourself.” With that, it ended. He tore through the atmosphere for me! He wanted me to know the depths of His fierce love for me!

You see, after having abortions, one of the hardest things to do is to forgive yourself and receive God’s forgiveness and His love.

I was in awe of what God had shown me. I shared this with my closest friend and she asked the question, “Are you going to finally forgive yourself?” How could I forgive myself or receive His forgiveness? I mean, I murdered my unborn children, how do you get past that? How does God?

Even after that glorious experience, I continued resisting receiving His forgiveness and still was not able to forgive myself. I lived in shame for another twelve long years. I was running from the one who loved me most. I was looking for a love that no man could ever fulfill, making self-destructive choices. Four abusive relationships later, going back and forth from God to the world, I found myself in the darkest of pits–so deep and dark, I could barely see a glimmer of light to find my way out. But, in the distance, a glow was there calling me out.

When I started walking toward that flicker of light, Jesus, He changed me. It was a strenuous and back-breaking process to say the least. All I can say is that it was worth the pain I had to go through to get out of the dark and into His glorious light.

God’s Word says, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.” Psalm 139:7, 8.

I had sure made my bed in hell. But God…

I want you to know, sons and daughters, if you are struggling to receive His forgiveness and fierce love, He will stop at nothing to get you back. He wants you to know His unfailing love. Most importantly, to receive it! What amazes me is He chases us down, He seeks us out. There is a song I love called, “Fierce”. Take a moment to listen. His love is relentless in His pursuit. He is fighting for us. He battles our adversary and our free will. Even with those odds, He doesn’t stop. I pray you find comfort in knowing that. I thank God that He never stopped pursuing me through those dark years. His love will miraculously change your life. He is my Champion!

Heavenly Father, thank you for never giving up on us and Your fierce love that never ceases. Help us to receive Your love and return to You with a love just as fierce in our pursuit of You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Deeper Still is a ministry that offers free weekend retreats for women who have had abortions and the men who fathered children lost to abortion. If you have had an abortion and would like more information about our retreats, please go to www.GoDeeperStill.org to find a retreat close to you.

Forgiveness, Freedom

“And the Lord restored Job’s losses when he forgave and prayed for them. Indeed the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before.” Job 42:10

The purpose of forgiving people is not to let them get away with what they have done or to live as if their actions didn’t harm you. The purpose is to let yourself stop being angry, bitter and having to fight off resentment in every area of your life. This applies to forgiving ourselves as well.

In 1987, I had my first abortion. The consequences of that sin began a journey of me digging a massive pit that I threw myself into. My womb was empty at my hand and I thirsted for the child I had just killed. The realization of that set in immediately. So did unforgiveness. Self-loathing began, while self-destructive mode set in.

I was doing anything and everything to numb myself from the pain of what I had done. This included drugs, alcohol, partying, and men. At this point I was uninterested in the rest of my life. I was going through the motions. If it wouldn’t have been for my son, I believe I would have ceased to exist. My choices led me to two more abortions, 5 husbands and reckless living. My life was in shambles. Most of the relationships I chose were physically, sexually or verbally abusive.

Depending on your depth of unforgiveness and how long you’ve been carrying it around, it will certainly destroy your life. Unforgiveness is a killer to your soul and your health! I became callous, unsympathetic, and heartless. One of the men, whose child I aborted, told me I was the most coldhearted (I’ll be nice here) person he had ever met.

The weight of unforgiveness is grueling; it will paralyze you. I couldn’t live with the fact that I had killed my own children. Thus, my pit that I was living in.

24 years after my first abortion, I finally forgave myself (it was harder than natural childbirth). It was laborious to say the least. Grueling even. To offer myself forgiveness, seemed unattainable. By the grace of God, I did. Freedom came. To some extent…

“Bearing a grudge can hold you back and even damage your health.” Dr. Ken Hart. “It is a major reason why people don’t heal.” Bowie, MD

I was so full of bitterness, unforgiveness and hate towards the abusers, that my body hurt constantly. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2014. The causes of Fibromyalgia include emotional trauma, viral infections, and physical injuries. Fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues.

In the spring of 2018, I went to my Deeper Still Retreat. Its name rings true, I did go deeper still. I went through the process of “Debt Paid in Full” where we were to forgive others, ourselves, judgments that we held against ourselves, and how we punish ourselves. I fought painfully hard to forgive the abusers. The stress of that process caused me to have a migraine that day. The amazing thing that took place through that act of obedience, is God healed me instantly of Fibromyalgia (which was caused by emotional and physical trauma). I was set free.

“Forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you MUST do.” Colossians 3: 13b

God delights in our obedience, especially when you obey Him in challenging times. You are positioning yourself for His blessings of peace and healing. That day my Savior gave me both. I have a joy that burns inside of me for what He has done for me.

He can do the same for you as well. Forgive, let it go. There you will find freedom… And forgiveness…

Thank you Jesus for your forgiveness. Where would we be without it? Help us Holy Spirit to choose forgiveness. We lay this request at your feet. You receive all the glory. In Jesus name.

Today’s post was written by Randi Stanton, who is a contributor for the Deeper Still Devotional Blog. Randi lives in Maumelle, Arkansas, and is married to Tom. She has two children, three stepchildren, and two gorgeous grandchildren. She also enjoys hiking in the mountains, playing with her dogs, reading and studying God’s Word. Randi serves on the Arkansas Deeper Still team. 

Deeper Still is a ministry that offers free weekend retreats for women who have had abortions and the men who fathered children lost to abortion. If you have had an abortion and would like more information about our retreats, please go to www.GoDeeperStill.org to find a retreat close to you.

When the Storm Rolls In

“Increased warfare and resistance should tell you one thing–You are getting close.” Nate Johnston

The storm has rolled in…

John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy.”

We have an enemy who wants to rob us of our joy, peace, and faith, but most of all our faith. 

You know the sweet summer storm that rolls in out of nowhere. You’re sitting on the back porch swing on a lazy summer evening. Then lightning streaks across a distant dark blue canvas and the sound of rolling thunder claps in the heavens. It is a wondrous sight to behold. One of my favorite things to do is watch a good storm, especially the unexpected ones that cool off the heat of a long hot summer day.

However calming and even peaceful those summer storms are, I am talking about another storm. One that comes gradually and unexpectedly.

But when these storms come, just as I can stay safe inside my home, I can rest in the goodness of my God knowing He is my refuge. 

When the enemy has roared so loudly that lies flash constantly across the skies of our minds, we can know the truth of the Light that is right behind those clouds.  We need to get directly in the face of the enemy and speak truth to those lies and command our souls to be at rest. 

We must remember who our God is, who our enemy is not, and who we are in Jesus. He is not as powerful as God. He is a toothless lion and his thunderous roar is hollow. He is a defeated foe. 

We must stay on guard and prepared. The Lord has given us weapons to fight with. Ephesians 6:10-20 instructs us on how we should fight: “Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may stand against the wiles of the devil.”

He gives us the belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, shod our feet with the gospel of peace, we have the shield of faith that quenches all the fiery darts of the wicked one, helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit. We literally are totally covered for the battles we face. This is how we stand strong when the winds of life strike hard, tossing trouble into our worlds. 

We are to continually be in prayer. Ephesians 6:18, “praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, stay alert to this end with all perseverance.” Prayer changes things. Call on prayer warriors and get others praying with you. Prayer has been key to quieting a storm in my life.  I see blue skies breaking through and see the sun (Son) on the horizon. 

Worship. Worship. Worship. When all I want to do is sit and cry, I worship. This brings me peace and strength. Worship hushes the storm inside, replacing thunder with shouts of praise to the Holy One. He is my Prince of Peace, my calm in the storm. The storm that blew in that brought tumultuous downpours, leaving me begging for shelter, is no longer threatening when I get still and worship. My storm may still be there, but the difference is I am in the presence of the Lord–the One fighting my battles. 

Most of all let us remember who we belong to. We are God’s children. No weapon formed against us will prosper. We are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus our Lord. We are victorious due to the price Jesus paid on the cross. Let us not lose our faith in the One who gave it all for us. He stated, “It is finished.” We have overcome! To God be the glory! 

Lord, give us the courage to stand and help us to stay sober and vigilant in this race you have set before us. Thank you Lord that because of You, we can have peace and rest in the middle of a storm. Remind us of the armor that you have laid before us to use when we are in the heat of the battle. I am thankful that you stand beside us and fight our battles with us. We cannot do it without you Lord. You are worthy of all praise. In Jesus name we pray. Amen

Today’s post was written by Randi Stanton, who is a contributor for the Deeper Still Devotional Blog. Randi lives in Maumelle, Arkansas, and is married to Tom. She has two children, three stepchildren, and two gorgeous grandchildren. She also enjoys hiking in the mountains, playing with her dogs, reading and studying God’s Word. Randi serves on the Arkansas Deeper Still team. 

Deeper Still is a ministry that offers free weekend retreats for women who have had abortions and the men who fathered children lost to abortion. If you have had an abortion and would like more information about our retreats, please go to www.GoDeeperStill.org to find a retreat close to you.

Casting our Cares and Trusting Jesus

“Humble yourself, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your care on Him, because He cares for you.”          1 Peter 5:6b–7 

To cast means: Throw forcefully in a specified direction. 

I am originally from Louisiana, the state known as Sportsman’s Paradise. In Louisiana, casting a fishing line from a bayou under the Cedar trees with gorgeous moss canopying overhead, surrounded by numerous stumps in the water among the fallen trees and limbs can be quite tricky. In a bayou there are countless majestic Cedar trees close to each other in certain areas, which is where the fish like to hang out.  

When I cast my line, things can go south in a bad way fast. The hook in flight can become stuck in a tree or find itself tangled in whatever may be under the water out of view. However, no fish can be caught without casting the line. When it is cast, there is a pause of trusting the line to go where it is sent. There is a chance that the line will catch the moss of the trees or be swallowed in the marshy water below.  The outcome of the cast is unknown, the line must be cast in order to fish. 

Jesus tells us to cast our cares on Him.  Like when fishing, it may be difficult to freely cast our lines to Jesus. A part of us wants to hold onto the line because there is a risk to casting. Placing our trust in someone else and letting go of that concern can seem dangerously irresponsible.  For me, this is all too familiar.  There have been some tall trees I have had to chop down before trusting that casting is safe.  In fact, I am going through something now that requires me to cast and trust. Jesus is saying, “Do you trust Me?”

When I was younger things happened to me that were beyond my control. Needless to say as an adult, because of those things, I lacked the trust I needed in order to function. It also caused me to believe that I couldn’t rely on anyone but myself. 

The thought of casting my cares, concerns, worries, and anxieties onto someone else, wasn’t reality to me. The fact that I was to take those cares off my shoulders, then put them onto someone else’s, leaving them there and no longer be concerned, well, I couldn’t begin to grasp that concept. 

Then there is trusting someone to care enough to help without a motive. Someone that loves with a love we can’t begin to comprehend. One that has our best interest at heart. Someone that is working all things for our good. We all know how hard it can be to trust others if your soul has been wounded.

 In John 14:27b, Jesus says, “Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” 

Matthew 6:25–31, tells us, “do not be worried about your life, what we should eat, drink or wear.” The tense of the Greek text is properly translated, “Stop worrying.” Verse 31 starts, “Therefore do not be anxious.” This tense is different, however, and means, “Don’t start worrying.” So, Jesus is basically saying, If you are worrying, quit; if you haven’t started, don’t. He is giving us a command, not a suggestion. He knows what worrying can do to us. It can truly make us ill. Steal our joy. Rob us of a close relationship with Jesus, because of the doubt that creeps in with worrying. 

As we grow in the Lord, we need to take Him at His word. We need to trust that He can handle our lives. We can cast our cares, because He loves us so much, that He will take care of what concerns us. We just need to seek Him and His Kingdom first, His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33

God can be trusted. Numbers 23:19 states, “God is not a man, that He might lie, or a son of man, that He might change His mind. Does He speak and not act, or promise and not fulfill?” Of course not. His promises are yes and amen. We can put a hook in that and pull it in!  We can trust Him with everything that weighs heavy on our heart. We must trust Him!! 

This is a lesson I am learning. I am so grateful that Jesus is helping me through this lesson. My shoulders aren’t as heavy as they once were or as sore from holding onto the line. I’m casting it to Him. 

Lord Jesus, help us in our weakness when we struggle in the area of casting our cares and trusting You with them. Give us the strength, courage and faith to walk in obedience, that we may do what Your Word tells us, which is to cast our cares onto You. We are trusting that you will take care of our concerns and that we are not to worry, but to bring it all to You and lay it at Your feet. We long to trust and obey. Thank you Jesus for loving us. Amen!

Today’s post was written by Randi Stanton, who is a contributor for the Deeper Still Devotional Blog. Randi lives in Maumelle, Arkansas, and is married to Tom. She has two children, three stepchildren, and two gorgeous grandchildren. She also enjoys hiking in the mountains, playing with her dogs, reading and studying God’s Word. Randi serves on the Arkansas Deeper Still team. 

Deeper Still is a ministry that offers free weekend retreats for women who have had abortions and the men who fathered children lost to abortion. If you have had an abortion and would like more information about our retreats, please go to www.GoDeeperStill.org to find a retreat close to you.