What’s in a Name?

“The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.” John 10:3-4

Have you ever had the opportunity to give something, or someone, a name? Maybe it was your favorite stuffed animal, a pet, or an even more precious- a child. A couple of weeks ago, Sue shared with us about her daughter, Kori Danielle. Sue shared what Kori’s name meant and how she came to know this would be the name of her sweet daughter. In true God fashion, I had been pondering names and how important they are to each of us and to those giving us a name. Names have carried meanings for centuries and identified who a person belonged to and even called out their purpose. Throughout the Bible you will find the same to be true. Parents gave children specific names and God renamed his people as they stepped into his work.

In the scripture above, John is documenting Jesus’ sermon where Jesus describes himself as the Good Shepherd. An important part of being a good shepherd lies in naming their sheep. I imagine shepherds naming their sheep based on color, markings, and personality. 

The shepherd says, “Your name will be Domino because of that big black circle around your eye.” To the next sheep he says, “Your name will be Jazzy because of your spunkiness within the herd. You have energy for days!” And to the next he says, “I think I’ll  name you Pearl because you just look fancy. Your wool is cleaner than all the others, too” and so on. The shepherd would need to pay special attention to his sheep to give them names.

He doesn’t just yell “Hey sheep!” but he calls each individual name “Domino, Jazzy, Pearl” and the best part is…they each know their name.  

For those of us who are in Christ and have accepted Jesus as our Good Shepherd, we know He is pleased with us and He knows us by name (Exodus 33:17). He gives us a new name that reflects our belonging and divine potential in Him. My name is Ashley, this is the name my parents gave me and identifies who I am as an individual. The world has given me lots of different names over time like “Forgotten, Unloved, Broken, Trash, and Disappointment.”  Theses names weighed me down with shame and a heavy yoke. I couldn’t carry one, but more kept coming. 

But then Jesus called my name. My Savior called me at the most unexpected time and gave me a new name. In Him, I am:

Chosen (Colossians 3:12)

Masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10)

Forgiven (Colossians 1:14)

Sweet fragrance (2 Corinthians 2:15) 

These names gave me a sense of security, safety, and protection.  Jesus gently whispered these names when he first called me, and nothing felt truer in my entire life. For the first time feeling completely known and completely loved. Only a Good Father who gives good gifts can give names like these. 

Have you heard Jesus calling you by name? Or are you holding on to the name the world has given you- one that carries burden, shame, and guilt? Let go of all the names that bring your hurt, pain, and burden; and take up the names given you to by the Good Shepherd. 

God, I am in awe at your attention and care for us. I cannot fathom all the time you spend paying attention to each of our individual needs. You do this for us as you use your Holy Spirit to call us by name. I thank you for your Holy Spirit that guides us, comforts us, and leads us to the heart of the Father. This is where we find our true name and identity. I ask that you speak to each, and every person reading this and call them by name. God call them out of the darkest and into your marvelous light, one name at a time. The has never been a moment we were not perfectly known and perfectly loved by you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

If you have had an abortion and you are ready to let go of the names that have tried to define you as a result of your abortion, please go to http://www.DeeperStill.org to find a retreat near you. Jesus has a new name for you.

No Matter What has Happened, I’ll Always be Your Mother

In a moment, I put a price tag on my freedom to choose and your life was the cost.

I was supposed to be your mother.

Nearly a decade would pass before I would give you a name and honor your life. Recognition that didn’t come with your birth, stolen by my choice.

I was supposed to be your mother.

The date was April 2005 when choice made you a statistic to the clinic. Another crisis averted. An unfortunate situation handled. $400 paid, consent signed, silence kept.

I was supposed to protect you as your mother.

In April 2015, your 2nd sister was born. A mother for the fourth time, but only able to physically touch three. I waited for God to take her from me, one child in exchange for another, exactly 10 years later. But God isn’t a God of retribution and He allowed me to continue to be a mother.

Lies told me I didn’t deserve to be a mother.

In April 2019, God did something miraculous. I finally acknowledged your life. I grieved for you, rocked with you, named you. My Deeper Still retreat called me “mother” for the first time in a way that did not bring shame or condemnation.

And I loved you for the first time as your mother.

Until I get to be with you again our Heavenly Father cares for you.

One day, you’ll know me as your mother.

To all the mothers who have lost children to abortion, perhaps Mother’s Day was a difficult day for you. Your child is with Father God and for those who are in Christ Jesus, one day you will see him/her again. You are a mother. You are honored and loved as a mother. The honor that God gives to women parenting children on earth, he also bestows to you as His Beloved. El Roi, the One who sees, meets you right where you are. May this truth bring comfort and joy to your heart.

Behold Your King

The word “behold” is defined as “to see or observe a person or thing, especially a remarkable or impressive one”. To behold something, we look closely at in such a way that we admire its features and soak in every aspect.

“Behold your King” is a phrase that has been in my mind for several weeks now. While lights twinkle in my living room around a wooden nativity scene, it isn’t hard to think of my King.

“And the angel said to them, ‘Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. For unto you is born this day, in the City of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes and laying in a manger.” Luke 2:10-12 (emphasis added)

Mary gives birth to a baby boy destined to save the world. After days of traveling on foot in her last trimester of pregnancy, in the low light of a barn, she beholds the face of her newborn son. Suddenly nothing else matters. I imagine her taking in every feature of his new face: his nose, his lips, his brow. His smooth skin and tiny hands; ten fingers and ten toes because surely, she checked. Mary is a mother through unexpected and supernatural circumstances. We have made this Christmas scene easy to watch, the reality is it was uncomfortable and unconventional in every way, as would mark the life of Jesus.

Thirty years later Mary would behold her son another time, only this moment invoking grief instead of joy.

“When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, ‘Woman, behold, your son!” John 19:26 (emphasis added)

This time Mary would not be caressing the smooth skin of her son’s face or comforting his newborn cry. This moment, He is marred beyond recognition, bloody and near death, charged with blasphemy and sentenced to the most gruesome death the government could have chosen. As Pilate presents Jesus to the Jewish crowd, there is another beholding, crowned with thorns and mocked in a purple robe, He beckons the crowds to look intently at Him shouting, “Behold your King!”

Jesus calls to his mother so she can look closely at him. How could she look? My mind can’t grasp this moment.

Today we can look at our King Jesus as both new baby and a grown man.

As good news of great joy and One who suffered greatly for our sins.

As a gift and as a sacrifice.

As grace from God and as God’s perfect justice.

As the Newborn King and as the Risen King.

May we behold as Mary did all those years ago. Let us behold the baby, sweet and innocent, humble and gentle. Also, beholding the King, the Lamb of God, who suffered and stood trial, and was crucified so we could be in relationship with Him, and stand before Him without stain and unblemished. His desire is for all people to behold Him, to accept His free gift of salvation and come to Him. There will be a day that Jesus will come again, and in that day, all will behold him. And all will recognize Him as King. These words “Behold your King” cling to my heart. My home is heaven, with my gaze intently admiring my King. Dear friend, I pray this Christmas season you will behold your king and accept all He has done, and the gift He has given. It is already yours, He is just waiting for you to accept it.

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank you for the gift of Jesus. In your perfect timing and only under your providence Jesus was born. The circumstances were not unexpected to you. God you knew that we could not make our way back to you without Jesus. I pray for salvation for those who don’t know. I pray hearts would not only focus on the birth of your son but on the harder part to look at- his death and resurrection. Thank you for the best gift we could ask for. When we don’t have gifts or words fit for a king, you bring us near anyway. We love you, in Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Merry Christmas from all of us at Deeper Still!

Praying this New Year brings you much joy and gladness! May the love of Jesus Christ fill you this season!

Surely, You are Good to Me, O God- A Wisdom Psalm

Scripture reference: Psalm 73

How can I not believe after everything I have seen? Even on my darkest days, I can look back and see how you protected and provided. Surely, O God, you are good to me.

Before I knew You, I longed for love and belonging. My feet took me faster than I was prepared, and my heart didn’t object; my heart said it was safe, but it is deceitful above all things. I scratched and scavenged the surface of every relationship for care and devotion, but came up with nothing. I gave up so much and got nothing in return. All of me was gone, but the others- they thrived. Like a white-washed tomb, I was prepared for burial. Empty. Why God?

Why was I the one wondered? The hateful and deceitful prosper. They are loved and cared for by many, their children are successful and popular, their wealth climbs. Their mouths are full of lies, but still power follows them. Are you really there, God? If you can hear me, do you love me? How can you love me, and love them? The ones who boast and brag. Why can’t I find love and belonging? It’s not because I haven’t searched, because I have. But every time I came up with more of the same. Every person I have ever loved has failed me…why should you be different?

Incredibly sad and empty, I couldn’t recognize myself. I tried to pretend I was fine with a fake smile; an achievement; a distraction. God was ignoring me, I knew it. Even if he existed and saw other people, I was invisible to him. Just like I had truly been in all of my other relationships: invisible; disposable; detestable. I couldn’t look at me, so how could you?

Then I turned to you, God. In a seemingly ordinary moment, I heard your voice and turned. This was the first time I felt your voice from a place indescribable. I was wearing blue; fake pearls for good measure at the banquet, when I heard “I forgive you”. I shuttered and goosebumps covered my trembling arms. In that moment I was crushed under a lifetime of regret, and you forgave me. What was I doing at this banquet? How am I sitting in the presence of people who, if they knew what I did to my baby, would banish me. Jesus’ face hung on a painting on the stage, and his voice hung in my heart. “I forgive you”. I didn’t know it then, but I needed to forgive myself. God had done the heavy lifting, the rest was up to me.

Overwhelmed, hope consumed my darkened heart. Maybe things can be different…

But you, God, were always there. Weeping over my messes. Feeling the pain of my losses. In the moments that I dared say “if there is a God, then kill me!”, you stayed. Waiting. Knowing a day would come when I would stop talking and listen. It is by your grace that I am here. Held together because you haven’t let go; you haven’t dumped me from the palm of your hand. I was always loved; always wanted; and chosen by you. I couldn’t see it from the depths of my sin and shame. I was blind, but now I see.

You are for me, O God. I have a home in heaven where all the striving will finally stop. I have everything in the saving blood of Jesus. If nothing else goes my way in this life, I will still have all I need in you; still more than I deserve.

When it all looks bleak and dim, Your presence warms. I can feel the warmth of eternity and can rest in the promise that there is more than this. More than any eye has seen, or eye has heard. More than any man can fully know.

“But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds”.

Prayer for those at the Deeper Still retreats this weekend: Lord, meet them in their lowest point of pain. Father, show them more of who you are and who Jesus is. May they hear you whisper in your unfailing love, “I forgive you”, and may they forgive themselves. We thank you that you promise to comfort those who mourn and heal the brokenhearted. Meet each person on the retreat in a personal and powerful way. We ask for freedom and healing for each of your daughters and sons attending. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Don’t Let Me Wither, O God- A Psalm

Scripture references: Psalm 1; Matthew 10:29-31; Proverbs 3:5-6

Below is a Psalm, a prayer written from a heart full of longing for more of our dear Savior and Lord. Whatever you are facing, it is our prayer that this will bless you and encourage you in your walk with the Lord. As you read and pray through these words, may transformation take place.

My eyes brim with tears as I ponder Your goodness, Lord. You provide me sanctuary and rest under your leaves. You see me, hear me, and care for me as I find shelter under your branches. Living water flows to me, freely and full of grace. As I drink your water, I am refreshed and renewed. I’m made stronger; your water gives me life. My fruit blooms and draws the hungry near. The hunger and thirst that only you can satisfy, God, surpass all understanding. Your love for me overwhelms my soul. I don’t deserve your love; I’ll never be able to repay it.

I am not the tree described in your Word. I am not watered and manicured. I look at my fruit and wonder if it’s any good to eat. Is it spoiled? Does it have beautiful skin, but sour flesh? Is it like the poison fruit of fairy tales? Coaxing unsuspecting knights into deep, haunting sleeps. I don’t want that to be true. I want to be her; the tree that never withers and always prospers. The tree that draws all kinds of living things to its hearty, twisted branches for refuge. Rather than all my roots being submerged in your streams, I feel like the tree planted along the steep bank. Half grounded in the rough, dry soil of the world. Tipping far enough that a gust of wind could pull it right up. Admittedly, there are some days I’m okay with that. Your Holy Spirit is always moving and convicting me along the dry bank; “You don’t want to be here. God has more from you in the Water”. I waiver and fail daily. I’m not the tree in Your Word, but I want to be.

God, give me deep roots in You. Help me to be successful and prosperous in all that I do in Your name; a tree growing in rich, fertile soil tilled with hope and freedom; planted in the stream; never withering and always fruitful. Protect me from a spirit of jealousy, from the lure of scoffers, and from the ways of the wicked. Keep my heart pure and my ways straight. I pray this and wait expectantly, believing that you hear my cries. Don’t let me wither and blow away with the chaff. Don’t let my legacy be meaningless and futile. Instead, watch me develop strong branches and full leaves. Please don’t leave me the way that I am; you love me too much to leave me here.

Thank you for saving me from the fires that threaten to set me ablaze. Thank you for your promises of goodness and mercy, and for your abundance. Thank you for not giving me over to the flames, stamping them out every time they threaten my trunk. I can feel them close, but you don’t let them consume me. Thank you for your protection and for providing everything I need. If you know every sparrow that falls from its nest, how much more do you know and love me? I will not worry about where the water or nutrients will come from because you are taking care of every detail of my life. You are the Gardener and I am the tree. Prune me and shape me until there is less of me, and more of you.

~Ashley Gregory

Today’s post was written by Ashley Gregory, who is a contributor to the Deeper Still Devotional Blog. Ashley lives in Mt. Sterling, Illinois and is married to Mark. They have 3 children and she serves on the Central Illinois Deeper Still team.

Deeper Still is a ministry that offers free weekend retreats for women who have had abortions and the men who fathered children lost to abortion. If you have had an abortion and would like more information about our retreats, please go to www.GoDeeperStill.org to find a retreat close to you.

When Warm and Fuzzy Just Doesn’t Cut It

I don’t think I am the only one who expected the change in calendar years to bring miraculous differences in my life, my work, or my family. All over social media the country has begged for 2020 to close it’s doors so we 2021 could bring better days! So far, I haven’t been impressed.

Am I alone?

I stepped out of my comfort zone by praying for “my word” for 2021. Our blog team leader encouraged each of us to try it and see what God revealed. Admittedly, praying for God to show me words and phrases is still a bit foreign. I didn’t grow up knowing Jesus or understanding that a relationship with Him was the ultimate goal. It took me a long time to come around to having a conversation with God through prayer.

After several heart felt prayers and petition, God gave me my word for 2021:

Endurance.

Excuse me, Lord…um, what? This was not the same warm, fuzzy word other friends were sharing on Instagram. This would not do! This word felt…gritty and tough and raw- all the things I am NOT! I pressed in and researched the word through the lense of scripture and God began to do His revealing work. Throughout scripture, “endurance” is defined like this: “to remain; to abide, not recede or flee. To persevere: under misfortunes and trials, to hold fast to one’s faith in Christ”.

Peter writes about endurance this way: “But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.” 1 Peter 2:20

The writer of Hebrews says, “Endure hardships as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?” Hebrews 12:7

Finally Paul describes says, “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope”. Romans 5:3-4

This year, God is asking that I endure every circumstance with Christ; not on my own, but with Him. No matter what the suffering in our lives looks like, God sees it and is there with us in it. I have a terrible habit of minimizing my suffering because it doesn’t compare to the deep pain or hardship I perceive others to be going through. I start to treat the things that are happening in my life as “less than important” to God. But the truth is, He cares about every detail of my life. If he clothes the roses in red and cares for the sparrows, how much more then does he care about me? Your suffering means something to God and He is asking you to endure it- don’t give up, don’t recede, don’t give in. Maybe you are:

Going through a divorce

Struggling with a wild child

Adjusting to your spouse’s new work schedule

Kicking an addiction

Mourning the loss of your child

Living with anxiety

Unexpectedly pregnant and alone

Struggling financially

Sometimes, warm and fuzzy just doesn’t cut it. Our lives are messy and broken. But whatever the suffering looks like, there is hope waiting for you on the other side.

Here are the ways I am planning to provide myself structure and discipline when it comes to enduring my suffering in 2021:

1. Staying connected to God through prayer: I always treat prayer like a last resort instead of my most powerful weapon!
2. Staying connected to my church: Your community of believers wants to surround you and lift you up in prayer. Cooperate worship and intercession overcomes the enemy and all of his schemes. If you don’t have a church home, I’d encourage you to start looking for one that fits you.
3. Study God’s word: I am making the commitment to memorize one scripture per week this year. When the suffering comes, because we can be certain it will, the word of God will cut through even joints and marrow. God’s word is our weapon against the darkness and banishes our enemy.

Friends, don’t give up on 2021 yet. God has so much more for us than what we have seen this far.

Father, You are our life source. You are the provider of strength, wisdom, comfort, and hope. We need you in every moment, but especially in our suffering. I pray that your mighty hand would tear through the pain and worry, giving us peace that surpasses understanding. Help us to be in your word and stay strong in our faith. You promise hope on the other side of endurance and your promises are never empty. Father you won’t waste our pain so we are trusting you with it. We love you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Deeper Still is a ministry that offers free weekend retreats for women who have had abortions and the men who fathered children lost to abortion. If you have had an abortion and would like more information about our retreats, please go to www.GoDeeperStill.org to find a retreat close to you.

Treasuring the Moments Ahead

“When the angels went away from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made know to us.” And they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in a manger. And when they saw it, they made known the saying that had been told them concerning this child. And all who heard it wondered at what the shepherds told them. But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart.” Luke 2:15-19 ESV (emphasis added)

Theses verses continue to ring in my heart even after Christmas has passed. The birth of God himself; the manger scene; the angels appearing to lowly shepherds. It’s all too good to only focus on during the Christmas scene. Mary’s heart as a mother strikes me here, especially the last sentence, “But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart”. What does Luke mean when he uses the term “treasured up“? What is Mary pondering in her heart; what things is she thinking on?

I think back to the birth of my first child. I only had the brain space to ponder the next diaper change; correct burping form; and when sleeping may be possible again. Mary was called to raise the Savior of the world! There is more going on here than new mom gitters. Mary is soaking in, paying attention to every detail of all that is unfolding before her.

To find out exactly what Mary is paying attention to, let’s jump back in scripture. The shepherds came to see for themselves the birth of Christ. When they arrive, they share with Mary the sight of the angel and his words. And she treasured THESE things, pondering THESE things in her heart. Mary is storing the truth about her newborn son in her memory. He is the Savior she and an entire nation have been waiting for.

“Treasured up” translates from the word “syntereo”; meaning to preserve (a thing from perishing or being lost); to keep within one’s self, keep in mind (a thing, lest it be forgotten). Mary will need to have these memories, these truths if you will, in a place where she can quickly recall them once the time comes for Jesus to do what he came to do: To save all people through death on the cross. In the last days of his life she will need to remember the angel’s announcement and the shepherd’s excitement as he is arrested, beaten, mocked, stripped, and humiliated. When she wants to step in and wrap her arms around him out of protection and motherly instinct, she’ll need to recall why he came. As she watches him take his final breath on the cross and commit his spirit to God, she’ll need those treasures in flooding abundance. Mary treasures up who she knows Jesus to be to help remind her that He came to save her.

What are the moments with Jesus you need to treasure up? Those spiritual markers that, when you look back, remind you of His plan and sovereignty. Are you storing these things up in your heart or letting them fall like seed on dry ground? As a mother, I can be certain Mary needed to remind herself of who Jesus was in order to get her through his horrific death. He was her son and she watched as he saved the world. I can also be certain God gives us moments where we can see him clearly as a way for us to recall his faithfulness when in the darkest times.

If you are lost or in the midst of pain, I pray for God open your eyes to his presence. I pray for a moment when shepherds will come to you, announcing good news of great joy- that Jesus has come. As we move into a new year, let’s treasure the things ahead.

Father, I thank you for Mary and her obedience and love for you. I am thankful for her submitted life to you and that it can be an example of what surrender looks like. God I ask that begin to store and treasure all the encounters we have with Jesus. Moments of kindness, generosity, humility, and goodness that come our way- Lord, don’t let us miss them! Help us to see you and remember your faithfulness. We can be certain that if you have been faithful even once, that you will be faithful again and again. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Today’s post was written by Ashley Gregory, who is a contributor to the Deeper Still Devotional Blog. Ashley lives in Mt. Sterling, Illinois and is married to Mark. They have 3 children and she serves on the Central Illinois Deeper Still team.

Deeper Still is a ministry that offers free weekend retreats for women who have had abortions and the men who fathered children lost to abortion. If you have had an abortion and would like more information about our retreats, please go to www.GoDeeperStill.org to find a retreat close to you.

You Are Not Enough…Jesus Is

Often we are admonished with uplifting mantra touting:

You are enough.

Follow your heart

Be you!

Even Dr. Suess agrees; his famous line sums it up: “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

These affirming statements empower us to go out and be individuals; to take the world by the horns and discover our true selves. There are thousands of self-help books sold every day with these very phrases as tag lines to pull readers in. We all want to know who we truly are; to discover our inner selves.

Today I want to challenge the status quo.

Contrasted with the world’s view, He says:

“My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

“Then Jesus said to His disciples, ‘If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” Matthew 16:24

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

From start to finish, the Bible tells of man’s incurable bent toward sin. Anytime we look within ourselves or do what “makes us happy” we end up further from God.

I spent so many years pursing “me” and trying to achieve the illusion that I was enough. I was strong enough to do things on my own. I was capable enough to make my own way. I knew my dreams and would stop at nothing to get there. But somehow, in the relentless search for self, I ended up lost.

Finding myself led me in and out of empty relationships; in an abortion clinic giving up the life of my first child; divorced and bitter. I was in a million tiny pieces exhausted with trying to put my puzzle back together. In search for myself, I actually lost my true self.

When we are too busy chasing ourselves, we ultimately stop chasing after a relationship with Jesus.

We are all desperately in need of Jesus.

But this is the good news. It isn’t up to us to be enough. We don’t have to be enough because He is.

Friends, we do not need to improve ourselves with catchy phrases that feel good, or one more motivational self-help guru. Making life palatable is not our goal…being made new is! Jesus came to make us new. We are new creations in Him (2 Corinthians 5:17). Not slightly better or moderately good- we are brand new!

We are pleasing and perfect to Him when we come to him acknowledging our need for Him. On our own, no good thing lives deep inside of us, that’s why we need Jesus. If we are enough on our own, then His sacrifice was for nothing.

You don’t have to be enough—He is.

Follow Jesus, not your heart.

Be who you are in Christ Jesus—made new through Him.

Father, Thank you for creating us with a hole that only you can fill with Jesus. You are the author of our lives and know what exactly what we need; more than any earthly writers, speakers, or influencers can offer. Thank you giving us Jesus whose perfect sacrifice was once and for all. Thank you for making Jesus enough so our striving could be over. Father, we ask for renewed hearts and minds toward you and wait expectantly, believing you will do great things through our brokenness that would bring YOU glory. You are faithful and good, and we love you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Today’s post was written by Ashley Gregory, who is a contributor to the Deeper Still Devotional Blog. Ashley lives in Mt. Sterling, Illinois and is married to Mark. They have 3 children and she serves on the Central Illinois Deeper Still team.

Deeper Still is a ministry that offers free weekend retreats for women who have had abortions and the men who fathered children lost to abortion. If you have had an abortion and would like more information about our retreats, please go to www.GoDeeperStill.org to find a retreat close to you.

Laying in the Lap of God

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8

“Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Luke 12:7

My oldest daughter turned twelve recently. This addition of another lit candle on the cake also flamed a change in my heart. When the candles were blown out and the smoke lifted, I saw her in a new, and admittedly, scary way. She’s no longer an unsteady toddler or toothless elementary school kid. Her long legs far surpass the days of the dark oak crib that once towered over her. This birthday felt different; less celebratory and more serious–the ushering in of the coming of age–my little girl becoming a young woman.  This once little girl who was learning to share and use “big girl words” is now developing a mature, responsible, and more independent demeanor.

My first baby doesn’t need me as much; she has handled big things this year gracefully and without much help from me. 

I look at her wearing twelve year old skin and tears begin to well in my eyes. I can’t understand why I’m so emotional as I run my fingers through her dishwater blonde hair; this head in my lap that I’ve kissed so many times. She’s a good and perfect gift, just like all gifts that come from God. I look at her and recall the things I know about her- her favorite food, favorite color, what makes her happiest, what annoys her the most, who her best friends are and what she desires to be when she’s older. I know where she wants to go to college, who she wants to live with, and her favorite animal. I know weekends that she has to leave her dads and come back home always make her sad; I know living in two different houses is frustrating for her at times, and I know that often she feels like “she doesn’t belong anywhere”. I know what makes her heart ache and that coffee will always make it better.

Then I think, “If I can love her this much, how must God feel when he sees her?”

This thought then sparks a truth powerful enough to light every candle…If I can love my daughter this much, how much does my good good Heavenly Father love me? And as much as I yearn to be her provider and protector, how much more does my Heavenly Father desire to be mine? 

God’s word says He knows every hair on our head, and every tear cried, and every thought. He knows every sorrow and pain.

This is true for all of us. We are cared for, loved, and accepted by God, not because we could ever earn it but because we are His daughter. The worthiness given to us because of whom we belong to cannot be blown out because we fall short. We will always fall short, that’s why we need Jesus. With our heads in His lap, God wants us to trust Him and look to Him for all we need.

One of the greatest gifts given to me was the picture of God as a parent. Like the prodigal son can return home into welcoming, open arms, we also can return home, and our Father throws a party when one of His children come home, with cake and all! I picture God often in this way; especially when I need a reminder that I am loved and accepted fully regardless of where I’ve been or what I’ve done. My prayer is for all reading to know this truth:

Whether you have 12 candles on your cake or 102, you have a Father who is celebrating you and knows you infinitely. You are His beautiful daughter–coming of age, becoming more like Him. His lap is always open, and His love for you burns like an everlasting candle, unable to be snuffed out. 

Father God, You are the beginning and end of who we are. You knit us together with such care and take notice of us when no one else does. Thank you for your love and devotion; thank you for being the lap in which we can rest our weary heads; thank you for being our protective Father. Amen.

Today’s post was written by Ashley Gregory, who is a contributor to the Deeper Still Devotional Blog. Ashley lives in Mt. Sterling, Illinois and is married to Mark. They have 3 children and she serves on the Central Illinois Deeper Still team.

Deeper Still is a ministry that offers free weekend retreats for women who have had abortions and the men who fathered children lost to abortion. If you have had an abortion and would like more information about our retreats, please go to www.GoDeeperStill.org to find a retreat close to you.

God of the Whisper

“And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, ‘What are you doing here, Elijah'”? 1 Kings 19:12-13

Voices with the most words are not necessarily the loudest or most resonant. Throughout my life the voices that heeded the best advice have been the calm and consistent voices of friends and family who know me best. When God speaks to us, it isn’t the loudness of His voice that captures us, it is the calm, quiet, assured voice of His love that draws us in closer. Unruffled, tender, resolute, and unwearied by circumstances–God’s voice will always sound different than the voices of the world.

Jesus was sent to shepherd his people, and like a flock of sheep know their shepherd and his voice, we too, know the voice of our Good Shepherd who calls us loved and safe. The Shepherd’s voice inflection, tone, and rhythm are familiar and comforting. We, as beloved image-bearers of God, know the voice of our Shepherd when we hear it. We may not know it’s Him at first, but once we learn to hear by studying His voice through His Word, we can discern truth from lies. But how do we know His voice when we hear it? The world throws so much noise in our direction, therefore how can we be certain which voice is truly the Lord’s?

God’s voice isn’t in the loud, crashing shouts. In I Kings, the prophet Elijah experienced the soft whisper of God when he was running for his life from King Ahab.

“Then He said, ‘Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.’ And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake, and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire;

And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, ‘What are you doing here, Elijah'”? 1 Kings 19:12-13 (emphasis added)

God wasn’t in the strong wind, the earthquake, nor the fire.

God was in the whisper. It’s amazing to me that God, who has the power and authority to shout to the entire world His presence, chose to whisper. He chose Jesus, a man who was ordinary in stature and not striking in appearance, to display His Glory to all the earth. This makes me wonder- Am I ever quiet enough to hear him? Do I believe that he exists only in loud and powerful forms? Can I accept that my God is present in the unremarkable; the mundane; the silence?

On the morning of my abortion, the clinic was so quiet. Judging by the number of people in the room, there should have been mountains of noise. At the very least a rustle of bags or shuffling of feet would have provided my ears with some reassurance, but there was nothing; no sound at all. Of all the things I remember about that day, the silence stands out. Each of us knew what the other had come for. A “simple procedure” that would set life back in motion, but even our eyes couldn’t meet for fear we may say too much. The silence was deafening. My fingernails clicked together as I waited nervously for the nurse to prepare me for an ultrasound. I didn’t know much at 19, but I knew ultrasound meant they were looking for a baby. They would confirm there was a child with a beating heart…more deafening noise. The nurse asked if I wanted to see “the image” and then it happened; from somewhere in the room that I couldn’t detect, perhaps deep inside of myself, I felt a nudge. The push was hard enough to force my heart in my throat and a whisper answered for me…”yes“. I shook myself back from the interruption and quickly replied to the nurse with a firm “NO”. The whispering voice that day came from the Lord, I know that now. But I didn’t know Him then, so I couldn’t possibly have known His voice. His whisper was overcome by the shouts to make my own decision and do what was best for me; the prevailing message that I could not carry this child resounded. His whisper was with me in the clinic that day and I had a choice—to listen and respond or ignore His nudge. Even though I chose to push away His whisper that day, He never chose to push me away. Instead, He pursued and chased me down gently continuing to whisper in my ear His love.

His whisper is near to you, sweet friend. Whatever the other voices are shouting, His whisper will always overcome. It may be decades later, but I promise, you’ll hear Him.

There are still moments when I aim to hear God in the blaring and showy. I naively search for him in booming social media platforms and in boastful man, but He isn’t there because that’s not who God is. His voice saves and doesn’t destroy; His voice loves and doesn’t despise; His voice shares truth and doesn’t condemn. His voice brings healing, not decay; and joy instead of mourning. The voice of created man can never overcome the voice of the Creator. Knowing the difference between the two will save many lives.

Father, You not only speak love and truth, but you ARE Love and Truth. Your power and majesty have been made evident to us since the beginning of creation and you do not need loud voices to do the work that your breath has already accomplished. Forgive us for the times we have exchanged your truth for lies and for the times we have trusted the worldly voices that surround us instead of yours. Help us to hear you and trust you. Help us to know your voice when we hear it. Thank you for Jesus, our Good Shepherd, who promises to lead us by quiet waters and restore us to you. We love you and thank you for His sacrifice and His silence as he submitted to you to save us. Amen.

Today’s post was written by Ashley Gregory, who is a contributor to the Deeper Still Devotional Blog. Ashley lives in Mt. Sterling, Illinois and is married to Mark. They have 3 children and she serves on the Central Illinois Deeper Still team.

Deeper Still is a ministry that offers free weekend retreats for women who have had abortions and the men who fathered children lost to abortion. If you have had an abortion and would like more information about our retreats, please go to www.GoDeeperStill.org to find a retreat close to you.