“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9
Lord, thank you for your leading. Thank you that even when we don’t understand what you are asking us to do, we can rest in knowing your ways are better and higher. Help us to trust you in all things. I pray you would show us when the right time is to tell our stories to others and our children. May our will align with yours. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
There are moments when God steps in and interrupts the day for His higher purposes and glory…
In a half-awake state in the morning dawn, I heard the words in my spirit, I need you to remember that I am good. This message rang quiet alarms as to what this could mean. I went out to my porch with coffee, journal, and Bible in hand, as I often do to speak with my Jesus. In my spirit, I heard surprising words, You need to tell her today.
I knew what the Lord was referring to. I was about to make a video sharing my abortion story for my church. The enemy had been blackmailing me, stating I couldn’t make the video because what if my ten-year-old daughter found out, what if someone told her, what if she saw it. But I knew the video was the Lord’s will and this opportunity to reach women and men in my church who needed healing from abortion was from Him. I had to make the video. I rebuked the enemy and went on drinking my coffee as I opened my Bible and journal.
Today Lord? She is only ten. She’s so young and I am unprepared for this. I was planning to tell her at some point, but today? No God. I have other plans for today.
I did have other plans. Plans I had full intention of keeping. There was a women’s luncheon at a sister church and many of my peeps would be there. I had registered my daughter (whom the Lord was nudging me to share with) and myself for a sweet day with the Lord and community. No God. I already have plans today. It was decided in my mind, today couldn’t be the day and besides, maybe I’m not hearing from God. The Answer. Is. No.
On the way to the luncheon in the car, this urgency to share with her did not lift but grew heavier. In my spirit, the words, “You need to tell her today” played over and over again in my mind like a chorus. Again, I answered, No, I have other plans for today. I already told them I am coming. No God, not today.
God is relentless and persistent. He is a gentleman but He will make it uncomfortable to get our will to align with His.
My daughter and I arrived at the church. There were beautiful gift bags awaiting both of us at the front door. Grabbing our bags, we said hellos, passed hugs to familiar and friendly faces and made our way to our seats. Breathing a sigh of relief, we began to worship. I thought I had finally dodged the nudge. Then I heard it again—you need to tell her.
Lord?! Really, here?! I wasn’t in a belly of a whale, thankfully it hadn’t come to that—yet, but I knew I needed to obey and this wasn’t going to let up or go away. I whispered to Sarah that we needed to go out to the lobby and that I had something to tell her. We went out to the lobby. With prayers flooding my mind, I said these words,
“I have something hard to tell you. It will be hard for me to say and even harder for you to hear. “
She looked back at me intently and conveyed with her eyes and nods she was ready to hear whatever was to come.
“When I was in college, I was dating a boy and I became pregnant.”, my eyes welled with tears.
She gently interrupted by the revealing and leading of the Holy Spirit and quietly asked, “Did you take a pill to kill the baby?”
Thankful I wouldn’t have to actually say the words myself because the Holy Spirit had just given her the words, under sobs the word “yes” came.
“Will you forgive me?”
The next words she said will forever be etched in my mind. With grace beyond understanding, her eyes full of tears and her voice soft, she whispered these words:
“Mom, I forgive you. People make poor decisions when they are hurting and scared.”
Amazing grace–is there any way to comprehend it?
The grace and wisdom coming from this ten-year-old. I was awestruck. The Holy Spirit was fully in this interruption of the day and His wind was blowing me away.
What happened next is almost too much glory to bear and will be for another story at another time. God leads in the most incredible ways.
I have had many ask me when or how they should tell their children about their abortion. God will show you when the time is right. And don’t be surprised if He just wakes you up one morning telling you
It is time.