“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”  Romans 12:2

Father, will you awaken the hearts of the mothers and fathers to their children.  Father, please reveal your truth regarding life and soften the hearts of those hurt and hardened by the sin of abortion.  In Jesus’ Name, amen.

About a year after my abortion, I was on a break from college and visiting family in my hometown.  Somewhere in the conversations over the break, my uncle asked me if I regretted my abortion.  My twenty-year-old self was a little taken back by his question.  Did he really just ask me that question?  Defenses immediately sprung up like an iron wall.  Heart hard and tone cold, I replied, “No, why would I regret it.  My life would be ruined.  I would be divorced trying to raise a baby and not in school. My life would be over.”

My uncle would never know how every morning the abortion was the first thought on my mind.  He would never know how the decision haunted me until depression settled in.  He would never be told of how many nights were spent in tears until finally in the name of self-protection, I enclosed my heart in an iron case, artificially numbed my pain in self-destructive behaviors, and strongly defended my choice.

“Life ruined and over.”  Strong statements.  At twenty, those words felt true.

At nineteen and twenty years of age, present circumstances determined my course.  All I could see was how a pregnancy and a baby would affect my life.  In all honesty, it was all about me and my needs.

All had seemed to turn out well for me, so why would I regret that decision?

This question is loaded and full of answers.  All of which cannot be address on one post. In future posts, I will do what I can to unpack some answers to this question.  One thing I know, if my uncle asked me the same question today he asked me 24 years ago, the answer would be, “Yes.  Without a doubt, yes, I regret my decision.  I wish with all my heart I would have made a different choice.”  If you are considering an abortion, I pray these words would penetrate and soften your heart. If you have had an abortion, I pray these words would also soften your heart and for you to see the need for healing.  Please visit our website www.godeeperstill.org for more information about our healing retreats and hear testimonies of others who have found healing and have gone deeper still with the Lord in their healing.